Issue 18: I Want Jellybeans
Last time, I mentioned that I was going to use November's 30-day length to try and set some benchmarks and change some habits. Three days in, here's what I've noticed:
Cravings are absolutely a thing. Holy shit.
I like to think that I'm introspective and therefore fairly aware of why I engage in certain behaviours. I understand, for example, that doomscrolling or mid-day snacking are a form of emotional regulation for me, so I'm trying to create a 30-day streak of going cold turkey on these (and other) habits. I expected that it would be hard and that I might lapse, but I was going to try my best and not give up if temptation struck.
What I didn't expect was how fast and how hard it would strike.
Friday was the first day, and I had two errands to run: picking up the weekly basket from Lufa Farms, a CSA-type of service in Montreal, and going to IKEA after work to return a table runner and look at some textiles there.
The pick-up point for the basket is a nearby pharmacy, and —like when I go to the supermarket for groceries— I have a habit of grabbing a chocolate bar or something sweet while I run that errand. Similarly, going to IKEA after work usually means having dinner at their restaurant and grabbing a sweet dessert — the almond Daim cake being my go-to.
Yeah, I have a bit of a sweet tooth. It's a wonder I'm not pre-diabetic.
Anyways, for November, I committed to not eating junky snacks. Candy, chocolate, chips, sodas are verboten for 30 days. So, I felt a little twinge of pride leaving the pharmacy on my lunch break, basket in hand, but no candy in my coat pocket. Starting off strong, Angelo. Good work.
But man I came close.
After work, we handle our return at IKEA and get in (a huge) line at the restaurant. Plenty of time to go back and forth between meal options. Do we want dessert? The line is moving slow as we go past the variety of cake slices. Nope, I'm trying to be good about this. No dessert.
But the loopholes I was generating in my head as we stood there —dessert with your meal doesn't exactly count as a snack, right?— were downright upsetting. I am a full-grown adult with agency over my behaviour and actions. Why am I trying so hard to sabotage myself like this? On the first day, at that?
An hour after we finished eating, the headache hit, and it did not go away, well into Saturday morning.
I can't prove it, but I feel pretty certain that was a punishment for not giving in to the cravings. In the past when this kind of thing has happened, I'd get myself a little bit of saccharine comfort and within ten minutes, the headache is gone.
Maybe it's because we're only on day three, but this has been hitting me pretty hard. I know that we tend to run on autopilot, and we're barely aware of these stimulus—craving—sating—reward loops that run in the background as we move through the day, but how hard your system can hit back when you try to change that gives me newfound respect for the power of neurotransmitters.
Or something.
I dunno, it's 10AM and I want jellybeans. Here's hoping it gets easier as the month goes on.
Around The Web
- Joan Westenberg talks the shrinking of the open web and man, do I feel this. Making the web weird and wonderful and personal again was one of the foundational principles at Glitch, where we made it super easy for anyone to spin up or "remix" a basic web site or web app. I think that as we continue to get "ThE cReAtOr EcOnOmY" get rammed down our throats, this will only get worse — people will naturally choose to build on a platform over the open web, because monetization.
- Mandy Brown shares some thoughts on accountability sinks based on Dan Davies' The Unaccountability Machine (which I've yet to read). It's already hard enough to get any accountability for decisions made that have a deleterious effect from corporations and governments, and it's a sobering to think that generative AI will provide an even more efficient path to accountability washing.
Thought Of The Week
It’s weird to be pushing for the open web and yet also have a career building mobile apps, which have been blamed at least in part for the open web’s decline. On the other hand, web apps have subsumed usage of what was traditionally the domain of native (desktop) applications. And at least with (proper) mobile apps, I’m not being assaulted with cookie banners and subscribe-to-my-newsletter popups? I’m conflicted, I guess.